- Understand the importance of EI in success and happiness
- Know whether and how EI can be learned and improved
- Learn intrapersonal strategies to improve EI
- Learn interpersonal strategies to improve EI
Society over-emphasises academic intelligence (IQ). But think of Nisha — top of her class, award-winning karate player, yet she couldn't manage her relationship with her roommate and ended up in bitter conflicts. High IQ without EQ is incomplete.
- Understands own emotions and knows their triggers
- Manages and expresses emotions effectively
- Is sensitive to others' emotions and body language
- Thinks from alternative perspectives; not impulsive
- Takes a solution-oriented rather than problem-focused approach
- Listens attentively and understands non-verbal cues
- Engages in effective communication and interpersonal interaction
- Is flexible, open to new ideas, and mindful
- Can motivate oneself toward goals despite obstacles
| Aspect | IQ (Intelligence Quotient) | EQ (Emotional Quotient) |
|---|---|---|
| Nature | Largely fixed | Can be developed at any age |
| Focus | Cognitive: thinking, reasoning, logic, language, maths | Emotional + cognitive: empathy, self-control, assertiveness, interpersonal skills |
| Life impact | Academic and analytical performance | Relationships, wellbeing, leadership, happiness |
Yes! Unlike IQ, EI can be gained and improved at any point in life (Goleman, 2014). Three-step approach:
These focus on factors within the individual — self-awareness, self-regulation, and motivation.
Every emotion has three components:
Understanding all three helps you control and manage emotions for better outcomes.
Emotional self-awareness: Use retracing/backtracking to go back and find the origin of your current emotion. Use scanning techniques:
- Am I feeling sad, irritated, worried, scared?
- What is happening in my body? (heartbeat, breathing, tension)
- What thoughts are coming to my mind?
- What are my beliefs, values, goals?
- Active listening — attending to what they say
- Noticing body language and facial expressions
- Observing eye contact, mannerisms, actions
- Understanding their feelings and reactions
Accurate self-assessment: Know your strengths, weaknesses, desires, fears, values, and goals for a comprehensive self-picture.
Know the what, how and why of communicating. Be clear about what to say, how to say it, and why. Deliver with calm, confidence and respect. (Refer Unit 5 for the 5 C's.)
Become aware of your thoughts and change how you think about a situation. Changing perspective opens new possibilities. Avoid these cognitive distortions:
- Overthinking / Ruminating — going over the problem endlessly
- Negative predictions — assuming the worst will happen
- Negativity bias — seeing only the negatives in any situation
- All-or-none thinking — "If I don't get an A, I'm a failure"
- Should/Must thinking — "I must always succeed"
- Catastrophising — treating any unpleasant event as a disaster
When under stress, the amygdala (emotional brain) gets activated and can hijack rational thinking — Goleman calls this "amygdala hijack." The higher cortical brain (rational thinking) gets bypassed, leading to reactive behaviour.
Mindfulness (focusing on breathing in the present moment) trains attentional capacity. This: (a) builds awareness of emotions as they arise; (b) creates a gap between stimulus and response; (c) engages rational thinking to choose an appropriate response; (d) reduces emotional reactivity over time.
Resilience is the ability to face adversity, overcome it, and bounce back. It is a strengths-based, "never say die" approach to life. Involves: internal locus of control, self-confidence, positive attitude, and emotional regulation. Attributing outcomes to your own effort rather than to fate or external factors is key.
When the situation is outside your control. Addresses the emotional response.
- Distraction from the problem
- Emotional disclosure / journaling
- Cognitive reappraisal
- Meditation and prayer
When you have control over the stressor. Addresses the root cause.
- Problem solving techniques
- Time management strategies
- Internal locus of control
- Generally more effective for health outcomes
Positive attitude = positive thoughts + positive feelings + positive actions. Real optimism is not just "thinking positive" — it involves: accurate self-assessment, self-acceptance, flexibility, realistic thinking, creativity, perseverance, and an internal locus of control.
Use language of affirmation in self-talk — not constraining language. Take responsibility rather than blaming external factors.
These focus on improving how you understand and interact with others.
Empathy = thinking from the other person's perspective and recognising their feelings without imposing your own beliefs.
| Sympathy | Empathy |
|---|---|
| Focuses on YOUR feelings in response to another's pain | Focuses on the OTHER person's experience and perspective |
| "I am really sorry for your loss" (first-person) | "You must be feeling very sad about this" (other-focused) |
| Emotional congruence — feeling what they feel | Cognitive — thinking from their viewpoint |
Empathy is not just about being nice. It involves genuinely visualising the situation from their viewpoint, showing real interest, and using empathetic statements.
Foundation: Active listening — attending to both verbal language (words) AND non-verbal language (eye contact, facial expressions, gestures, body posture, tone of voice).
Schulz von Thun's Four-Sides Model of Communication — every message has four simultaneous facets:
What I inform about — data, facts, statements. e.g., "The meeting starts at 10."
What I reveal about myself. e.g., "I am in a hurry."
What I think about you and how we relate. e.g., "I expect you to be punctual."
What I want you to do. e.g., "Please arrive early."
A sender emphasises certain facets; a receiver "hears" with certain "ears." Mismatch creates communication barriers. Awareness of all four facets improves communication.
Problem-solving = "the ability to identify and define problems as well as generate and implement potentially effective solutions" (Stein & Book, 2006).
- Know the problem in detail — nature, duration, frequency, impact
- Know yourself — strengths, weaknesses, values, goals
- Know the context in which the problem has occurred
- Develop self-regulation abilities
- Cultivate optimistic and creative thinking
- Learn problem-solving strategies — algorithms and heuristic techniques
Conflict arises when one party feels their interests are being ignored, threatened, or suppressed. Poor conflict management leads to aggression or withdrawal — both unproductive. The EI approach uses assertive communication to create a win-win outcome.
- Develop self-awareness about your role in the conflict
- Understand the conflict in detail — its nature and context
- Identify the communication style — aggressive, passive, submissive, or assertive
- Focus on creating a win-win where both parties' rights are respected
- EI can be improved at any stage of life — assess → identify → train.
- IQ covers cognitive abilities; EQ adds emotional skills. Both together = success and happiness.
- Intrapersonal strategies: 3 components of emotion, self-awareness (retracing, scanning), assertiveness, cognitive restructuring, mindfulness, resilience, coping strategies, positive attitude.
- Interpersonal strategies: empathy, active listening and Four-Sides communication model, decision-making and problem-solving, conflict management.
- Emotion-focused coping addresses feelings; problem-focused coping addresses the root cause.
- Mindfulness prevents amygdala hijack — trains attention so you choose a response rather than react automatically.
| Term | Meaning |
|---|---|
| Empathy | The cognitive ability to think from another person's perspective and recognise their feelings — different from sympathy. |
| Cognitive Restructuring | Becoming aware of one's thoughts and changing how one thinks about a situation — avoiding cognitive distortions. |
| Emotion-Focused Coping | Coping that addresses the emotional response when the situation is outside one's control — e.g., journaling, meditation, cognitive reappraisal. |
| Problem-Focused Coping | Coping that addresses the root cause of the problem — uses problem-solving and time management. More effective when the person has control over the stressor. |
| Resilience | The ability to face adversity, overcome it, and bounce back. Involves internal locus of control and positive attitude. |
| Amygdala Hijack | Goleman's term for when the emotional brain (amygdala) bypasses rational thinking and leads to reactive emotional behaviour under stress. |
| Active Listening | Paying attention to both verbal and non-verbal language during communication — not just the words. |
| Four-Sides Model | Schulz von Thun's model that every message simultaneously contains four facets: Fact, Self-revealing, Relationship, and Appeal. |